So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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