I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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