having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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