i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
