Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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