Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
