you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
