Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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