Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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