I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
