plz talk dirty to me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
