i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
