i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
