She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
