It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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