Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
