just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize