Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you didnt know i had herpes?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize