so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
