So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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