Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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