clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
