apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
