Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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