I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
