I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up under a house in Key West
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
