also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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