So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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