I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
