she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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