He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
