she was so not down for the gang bang
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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