Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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