Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
