I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
