I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
