I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
