think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
