You're my little dorito
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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