I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well I just put wine in my tea
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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