Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
