i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
