I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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