I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
