Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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