1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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