I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
