We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
