your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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