New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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