dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
