opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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