smell my finger.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
