Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
