Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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