entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
