Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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