She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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