New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
