It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
