So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
