Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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