Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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