I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
