I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
