I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
