I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
